Can you still be friends with your ex-girlfriend? That’s usually a tricky question in many urban societies and cultures. You’ve probably spent months, years or even decades with that one “love of your life,” made countless memories, some wonderful, others outright horrible but now it’s done. What’s left is the curtain call, bruv, because the show is over. What next, right? The thought that this girl whom you’ve known for so long will be out of your life for good can be a daunting one, no doubt
Many people out there, maybe even you, are of the notion that staying friends with your ex-girlfriend shouldn’t be such a bad thing, however, we here do not think it can ever truly be a good thing. As in saying you guys can stay friends is like saying when your dog, or whatever pet you might have, dies there at crib you can still keep it. Really? Think about it? The sane thing to do would be to bury that shit and move on, no? Anything else is just borderline crazy, my guy. But don’t fret young one. There’s no one size fits all answer to this question. As always we got you. Let’s try show you how to go about all this.
HAVE YOU DONE YOUR EX DETOX
Dude, before we go any further you must ensure that you limit exposure and contact almost completely during the initial periods of the breakup. This is regardless as to whether you’ve decided that you’re going to stay friends or not. It is vital that you get that girlfriend drug out your system as soon as possible so as to be able to start thinking clearly. How long this detox period should be is largely determined by how long you guys were together in the first place but a good benchmark is about two to five months of radio silence. You need adequate time to emotionally process this loss for you to be able to start thinking clearly and without it, you will find you’ll end up making some really stupid mistakes that could have easily been avoided if you had your wit and thoughts intact.
HOW DID EVERYTHING END
Was it a mutual agreement with good terms or was it a crash and burn situation with flames and explosions everywhere? This is by far what will determine whether you two can keep things going in the friendzone. Which is quite obvious, no? If you guys initially started out as friends then research shows you might just possibly be able to get back there, however, if it ended with both of you at each other’s throats at the end then, unfortunately, staying friends will all but be a rumor for you guys. As in it isn’t happening, bro.
HAVE YOU HAD PROPER CLOSURE
Without proper closure even moving on to the rebound or the next girl can be extremely emotionally taxing. You need to have that last conservation with your ex where you’ve laid things bare and talked about everything. This closure becomes even more important if you’re thinking of entering that friendzone with her. If you still have those unanswered questions as to what really happened and why you both are where you are with the break-up and all then if you choose to engage in a friendship, those insecurities will no doubt creep in and you both may never be really comfortable with each other. Make sure you’re both in this mindset and have the conversation in a scenario where you’re not likely to hook up. This is serious business, so you need to be level-headed. No drinks should be involved.
WAS THE RELATIONSHIP EMPOWERING OR TOXIC
It’s very easy to get sucked into a toxic relationship without even realizing it. And escaping it usually requires nothing short of El Chapo or Michael Scofield skills. We know this all too well. Being with that person who cuts you down at every turn, doesn’t offer any real support structure or doesn’t add much value to you as a human will breed a certain type of insecurity. You’ll start to be afraid that you might not be able to get better for yourself. Please bruv, don’t buy into this. The devil is a liar. You can always do better. If this is where you were then you definitely cannot consider being friends with this emotional terrorist. However, if the relationship was fulfilling, satisfying and empowering then it’s something you should think of rekindling as friends.
All in all, the case of the ex on whether you can still be friends with your ex-girlfriend largely depends on you two as individuals and the dynamic of the relationship you both had. We can’t really tell you what to do exactly. All we can do is light a few paths that we have experienced ourselves. It’s up to you to decide whether that path will be yours as well.
Until next time, homz.